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Pensive - Mostly, it is...

Aug. 9th, 2009

07:08 am - Pensive

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Friday night msagara and I had a long conversation outside the hotel. It covered a fair bit around the family of topics that we usually talk about: theory of mind, interpretation of behaviour, blind spots, safety, comfortable-ness/awkwardness, sex/gender, sexuality, cultural backgrounds, upbringing, balance, normal behaviour vs. difference, family dynamics, education, family, rule sets, analytical and instinctive approaches to communication, generalizations and specific applications. It was different from the usual in a few ways. It was outside of the usual contexts (bookstore or event) where I'd worry even more about taking up someone's time than I would generally. While as usual there was a great deal that I thought of later that I would have preferred to have thought of at the time, the nature was different in that they mostly took the form of improvements to things relatively poorly or incompletely expressed, rather than things not-expressed at all (a benefit of a mostly uninterrupted three and a half hours as compared to a more normal 20 minutes, and more private conversation as well as a different dynamic). The largest difference was the centering of specific cases of sets of behaviours of mine that required evaluation and critique in discussion, which when there was a smaller shared data set covering more superficial effects was unnecessary or impossible. Being specific, there are actions and considerations regarding particular people which I'm now thinking about. I strongly dislike being oblivious and stupid, but I've been advised by a number of people that thinking more and harder before acting is not likely to be a good or useful response for me given how slow I am already, among other reasons, some directly related, and others not. This is somewhat frustrating since I patently cannot trust my intuitive processes to provide useful behavioural direction either. I'm going to continue to try and figure out how I should act, and improve my ability to communicate accurately, effectively, and in a representative fashion, since going through life without interacting with people is probably not healthy.

So it was a very useful conversation. It is of a sort which I would be interested in having again if the opportunity arises, with Michelle of course, but also almost anyone who has thoughts about behaviour and communication, providing the presence of a sufficiency of time, energy, lack of risk, mutual comfort, and linguistic compatibility. In particular, if anyone has a question or concern about what something I say, write or do, or have done (aliseadea I do intend to get back to you on your message when I get back home), means, I encourage them to raise it with me for clarification. While in the main I expend considerable time, energy and care in the attempt to express myself as appropriately and in the best (including being considerate of others) way I can think of, I am painfully aware that I'm just not good enough to succeed all the time with all people in all circumstances on the first try. Also there isn't always time, energy etc...

Current Location: hotel
Current Mood: Certainly more than one.